Why Co-sleeping is Bad

One of my parenting failures has to be co-sleeping. I failed to give my kids the independence of sleeping on their own. It is becoming a serious issue that Đạo, my ten-year-old son, is afraid to sleep by himself or with Đán, my eight-year-old son. Đạo still needs an adult to sleep with him.

My wife is now occupied with Vương, our youngest son who is fifteen-month old. My mother-in-law is either stuck with Xuân, my three-year-old son, or Đạo. I am, on the other hand, is either stuck with Đán and Xuân or Đán and Đạo depending who Xuân would like to sleep with.

In the past, I didn’t think much about co-sleeping. In fact, I felt bad to let them sleep alone. Now, I view it as an epic failure on my part. It creates an unnecessary dependency for my kids and a distance in our marriage. My wife and I have not slept in the same bed since the day Đạo was born, which is more than a decade. It is also her preference because of my snoring issue, which is a concern for my kids as well. Even though they seemed to sleep right through my snores, I am worried about them being exposed to the loud noise.

As I am writing this post at two in the morning, we are on vacation and someone else is snoring extremely loud. The kids are sleeping fine, but I haven’t slept for two nights. I am dead tired, but I feel extremely bad for the kids. I am not sure if I will be able to drive in the morning since I can’t sleep.

I recognize how bad snoring can have an effect on other people; therefore, I could hardly sleep at night when co-sleeping with my kids. I tried sneaking to the coach in the living room so that they can’t hear me, but Đạo would wake up and follow me or Xuân would just scream without me. I should definitely seek treatment for my snoring issue, but my hope is to sleep alone so that I don’t have to bother anyone else.

One of my goals for 2020 is to train the kids to sleep by themselves or with each other and without me. Đán is the only one that would sleep by himself. We don’t have enough bedroom at the moment to give him his own space, but we will next year.

If you are a new parent and debating whether to co-sleep with your kids or not, I strongly recommend training to sleep on their own as early as possible.