I say blue when morning begins
And indigo when the night sky
Hardens over us, pinned with stars.
I say moon when its shape appears
In the disappearing light. And I say
Hollow when I look into my hand.
So much taken for granted now
That I am chased by shadows
When once I noticed only
What was solid and complete.
I dream of Adam’s voice.
Was that a panting sound or a sigh?
At first it was head to toe
Until I wanted his breath on mine.
We examined each other,
Like a folded-out map of ourselves,
Fingering, puzzled by
The differences between us.
We tried it this way and that,
I was the impatient one, I have to say.
Strange, we both had a bright idea
At the same time. After that, it seemed
As though we were created to couple
In this sweet new way. It was hard
To do anything else sometimes,
So the trees suffered, burdened
Down with fruit, and the fields,
And some pale animals that emerged
Now and then, and the snakes
Hanging corkscrew from low branches.
I saw God watching Adam. I saw
The eyes popping out of God’s head
At the sight of him
As he fucked with what we later learned
Was wild abandon. I sympathized
With God’s jealousy, his pain,
But wished he had not
Displayed such obvious self-pity.
You see, he loved Adam.
Once I watched as
They fondled each other’s hair.
From my vantage-point in the tree
I then saw the two of them
Wondering how they might
Do what we had done. I have to say
It was obvious to me.
Odd how they couldn’t work it out.
Nothing bothered Adam, but God
Was not pleased, to put it mildly.
I learned that he would have been
Happy to be with either of us. Or
Even with both. He hated being left out.
That was the thing. I liked it
When he licked my neck.
But, in the end, I bewildered God
More than all creation. We spoke,
But he was never a good listener,
Preferring the sound
Of his own voice
Even when he whispered.
Since he wanted us so much
The decision he made
That we should leave
And that he would be happier
Alone made no sense.
But try telling him that.
I laughed later
When I found out the etymology
Of the word ‘paradise’. In all reality,
Paradise was nowhere much; we were
Baked by the sun. Days were long
And there was nothing to do at night.
Mornings here are lovely, on the other hand,
And the world’s words, I never tire of them –
Of Mans First Disobedience, and the Fruit
Would I like to return, you ask,
Just once for a short visit
To re-live old memories?
No, but I would like yesterday to come
Again, wash itself over us,
Fondle us with its shredded beauty.
In his temper that day, when God told
Us what time would mean, I understood.
I saw the days longing for each other
In a future ready to forget. I alone,
I saw, would register each one,
Like something to be forgiven
And then held up, a bright example,
As we were, when we came into the world,
And lived our disappearing days.
Adam died two years ago, a night
When the moon was sickle-shaped
And thunder-clouds had cleared.
I was glad of that. I wanted
Adam’s fading eyes to see the sky,
Linger on the thought of what we tasted,
A beyond-place that had no end, that might
Have bored others, but we tolerated it
Because what else did we know?
What else do I know now?
I know that God learned to repeat
The word regret ad infinitum
Until silence fell. Then he changed.
I wish I could comfort him,
As the world wears out.