Dear Đạo,

I am sorry about your phone issue. Don’t be too hard on yourself. It’s fine to experiment with it. That’s how you learn.

You have been asking me for a new phone and I don’t have a problem with getting you a new one. I am deeply concerned, however, when you don’t know how to control your usage.

You don’t like it when I remind you about your education, but you haven’t proved that you can take responsibility for your school work. School should be your first priority, not digital usage. I worry about you, but my words have fallen on deaf ears.

I just don’t know what else to say to make you understand–or you just don’t want to understand. My priority is you and your brothers, but I am not doing a good job as a father. When talking to other parents about digital usage, I had learned that they were able to limit their kids to one hour a day, one hour a week, or none at all. I have not done that and I can’t now. I know the repercussions of limiting your usage.

Now that you are old enough, I hope you will figure out what to do with your life. Your mom and I do anything for you, but we can’t do anything without your participation. It’s still not too late.

Love,
Dad

Dear Xuân,

Thank you for telling us about your week at school. I am glad you had a chance to meet Illustrator Alicia Robinson. I must confess that I didn’t know who she was; therefore, I had to look her up online. She is indeed a talented illustrator.

I always appreciated people who can draw. I wish I had drawn when I was a kid. I never liked drawing because I didn’t think my drawings were any good. I have seen your sketches. You can draw way better than me. You have a creative way of creating your characters.

Don’t make the mistake I made. Please continue to draw. Practice makes perfect. The more you draw, the better you will get. Once you figure out your style, you can become even more creative. You can even become an illustrator like Ms. Robinson.

You have a whole lot of future in front of you kiddo! Just enjoy yourself if you enjoy drawing. Talk to you in the next letter.

Love,
Dad

My Dearest Children,

As someone who witnesses what your mother does for you everyday, I can’t even tell you the unconditional love she has for each of you.

Since the day you were conceived, she carried you in her womb for 9 months. Since the day you were born, she has not even for one second stopped loving you. She stayed up when you cried in the middle of the night. She fed you with her own milk and soothed you back to sleep.

As you are growing up, she is still doing everything in her power for you. She treasures your lives and I can guarantee you that she would put your lives over her own. I am telling you this because your lives are invaluable to her.

She brought you into this world. She does everything she can to give you fulfilling lives. She doesn’t ask anything from you. In return, I am not asking you to fulfill your filial piety. All that I am asking from you is to treasure your lives. Just that alone is enough to show your love for your mother.

Believe me, your lives are way better than mine. When I was growing up, it was just me and my mother. We were poor, but I knew my mother loved me unconditionally. When I was becoming a teenager, I had moments when I felt my life was boring, but never worthless. I didn’t have many opportunities, but I knew the only way to move up was focusing on my education.

If you think your lives suck, you have not experienced the world out there. If you walk out of our door, you will see it for yourself. Don’t take what we have built as a family for granted. I may sound like a broken record; therefore, I am writing this letter to you so you will be able to refer back to it later on.

Just remember this. I might not be a good father to you, but your mother’s love for you is unquestionable, unmatchable, and unbreakable. All a mother is asking for is to see a smile on her children’s faces. Her happiness is to see you happy. I hope you know or will understand what I am telling you.

Love,
Dad

Dear Xuân,

Thank you for informing me about your week. From science to math to PE to music, you had a busy week. I am enjoying these Friday letters between us. Mr. Leonato came up with such a wonderful assignment for us to connect. I look forward to reading your words every Friday.

As you had mentioned in your letter, March is here already. I am a bit torn about it. The weather is getting a lot warmer, which is nice, but that also means skiing season is coming to an end. I want to spend more time with you on the slopes. You are a fantastic skier, but I also hoped that you would pick up snowboarding as well.

It’s a challenge to try something new. When I switched from skiing to snowboarding, I was having a very tough time. The snowboarding learning curve is steep, but it opens up a whole new level on the mountains once you get a hang of the board. If I can do it, you can too. You just need a little bit of patience.

It is so much fun when you can switch from skiing to snowboarding and vice versa. I enjoy both sports and I am sure you will too. We’ll work on your snowboarding skills next season.

Love,
Dad!

Dear Đán,

Congratulations on the good grades for the second quarter. I am very proud of your accomplishment. You have proven that you can do anything to keep your PC. I still worry deeply that you have grown too attached to your machine.

As a father, I am responsible for your well-being. I want to improve your life, not ruin it. I am lost for words. I can’t tell what is on your mind anymore. I don’t know how we get to this point. I am struggled to understand what is going on.

If helping you is hurting you than I am failing miserable as your father. Please tell me what I can do for you. If you want me to back off and leave you to your own devices, then just let me know. I need you to help me to help you make your life better.

You are a talented kid. I would love to have your rollerblading and snowboarding skills. It’s so hard for me to watch you not taking up interests in these sports, but I can no longer make you. It’s even more heartbreaking for me to see you glue to your PC, but I can no longer do anything about it. You have made up your mind.

You don’t need to stress out anymore. No more bans. No more restrictions. No more expectations. I trust you to make the right decision for your life. I’m not mad you. I have nothing but love for you. Do your thing, boy.

Love,
Dad

Dear Xuân,

Congratulations on acing the Pueblo test. When you studied hard, the result showed. Keep up the great work. I learned about the Pueblo people as well from studying with you. If you need help with school work, I am here for you.

I am glad that we had finally getting into our reading routine. I noticed the improvement in your reading with just 10 minutes a day. You will discover so many wonderful stories through reading. So please keep on reading.

I enjoyed your special Spanish performance on “Pin Pon.” Your whole class did a wonderful job. I loved the part where you interacted with your classmate. I would love to hear you sing more Spanish songs.

I know you wanted to ski with your cousin Hân and today we made it happened. We had a great time skiing and snowboarding at Roundtop. You are a skillful skier. Keep up the good work!

Love,
Dad

My Sweetest Xuânshine,

Yes, you are our sweet boy. You take meticulous care of your baby brother. You always play with him. You give him a bath. You even wiped his butt for him. In return, Vương adores you. He listens to you more than me. He comes to your defense when others mess with you. You get into heated arguments with him sometimes, but you never hit him. In fact, you don’t get physical with anyone.

I love your self constraint, but I am also a bit worried. That’s the reason your older brothers irritate the hell out of me when they don’t care to protect you. I can see that you look up to them and want to hang out with them, but they don’t want you to join them. They say I am biased, but I call them out when I see it. Until they figure out how to take good care of their younger brothers, I will always grill them.

Even though you have your sensitive side, you are a tough kid. You can always keep up with me and your older brothers in the sports we play. Thank you for keeping me company at the skatepark when your other brothers don’t want to join me. Thank you for skiing with me. You are a fantastic skier who can take on any terrain. I am also glad that you are trying out snowboarding. It is challenging at first, but you will love it once you get it.

With academics, you are a bit behind. It is my fault. We will get you the help you need to catch up. Once you can focus, you will do well. As you are getting older, you need to start paying attention. Happy eighth birthday, my Xuânshine. I love you with all of my heart.

Love,
Dad

Happy birthday my dearest Đán—the son who gives me happiness and headaches. You are still my blading champ. As much as I wanted to keep up with you, I could never drop into those tall ramps like you had pulled off. Even though I spent more time at the skatepark than you, I could never catch up to you. If you put your heart and mind into blading, I guarantee that you can do a whole lot more.

If you practice playing the piano and reading the notes, you will excel in your music journey. As I reminded you many times, private piano lessons are expensive. I don’t mind paying if you put your efforts into playing. I don’t want to waste money, time, and your instructor’s dedication.

I admire your snowboarding skills as well, but your head and soul are devoted to your digital activities. You spend way too much time on your computer and your phone. You can’t control yourself. You refuse to do anything else willingly. You isolate yourself. You don’t focus on your schoolwork. You get frustrated and depressed when you can’t spend time on your digital devices. I don’t want to restrict your access, but I need to. I worry everyday about your digital addiction. You are not alone though. Your brothers, your cousins, your peers are living and breathing in the digital generation.

Now that you are twelve years old, I hope that you will make better decisions and choices. I love you and I am here for you until the day I die.

Love,
Dad

My Dearest Vương,

My lil King turns 5 today. Being the youngest, you get showered with love and some envy. You get along with all four of your brothers, but you are closest to Xuân. You guys are closer to the same age. Isn’t it nice to have a brother to hangout and play with?

Unlike your older brothers, you spent lots of time at home, especially during the pandemic. I was a bit worried about your social isolation, but you had proved that you can make friends and be independent at the same time. I am so happy for you.

You are developing fast and picking up new skills with ease when you are willing to try. You are now riding your balance bike at the skatepark like a pro. I am sure you’ll be able to ride a paddled bike soon. You have always wanted to hold your hands when you ice skate, but you can skate on your own. You are making tremendous progress. I can’t wait for you to be able to ski on your own as well. That would be great.

You are doing great in kindergarten, even though dropping off is still a bit tough. You still want to stay with your mom and that’s understandable. She loves you unconditionally. I am not worrying too much about your education. You are smart and a keen observer. I am sure you will do fine.

The last baby step you need to get over is pooping in a diaper. The goal for turning 5 is to use the toilet to poop. You can definitely do it. You just don’t want to. I know you like to do things on your own time and term, but this one is way overdue. Let’s get it done and over with.

I love you with all my heart!

Daddy.

My Dearest Đạo,

It’s hard to believe our first-born turns 14 today. You are well-liked in school as well as scouting and you have friends in both places.

I am glad to see that you don’t get bullied or discriminated against for being an Asian American. When I was your age, I faced both; therefore, I dreaded going to school. Everyday seemed long as hell. Maybe I got picked on because my English was not good.

Speaking of school, I hope you are doing well. I haven’t checked on your assignments because I want you to be independent and to be responsible for your own work. You still need to get better at staying on tasks.

At home, you get along with Đán the most. I wish you treat Xuân and Vương better. Even if they annoy you, they are still your baby brothers. I want you to love and protect them. You are always a big brother they will look up to.

As for your mother, you, and me, we are getting along fine for the most part. Well, happy birthday, my son!

Love,
Dad