Letter to My Sons #51
My Bright Xuânshine,
You turn 10 today. Even though you are growing big, you will always be my little Xuânshine. You are my athletic partner who keeps me in shape. You accompany me on the mountains as we ski and snowboard together. We are comfortable in both sports, but you are faster and better than me. Nevertheless, I always enjoy spending time with you and Vương on the terrains. I hope you will pick up your scooter again when the winter is over so we can go to the skateparks together. I am not much of a swimmer, but you are a swim star. Keep swimming, kid! I will always root for you.
As a son, you have always listened to your parents. Our job is to guide you through life and we can only do it with your cooperation. You have made our job easy and I appreciate that. As long as you trust us, we will always be there for you.
As an older brother, you love Vương and take great care of him. When we were skiing at Seven Springs last week in -5 degrees, Vương’s hands froze. You offered him your gloves and helped him put them on. You even gave him your hand warmers. When his nose was frozen—even his snots became ice—you pulled up his mask over his nose and fixed his goggles so he could stay warm. Your caring for your baby brother warmed my heart.
Before Vương was born and even until he was three or four years old, you were a tough kid. You took shit from no one. They hit you, you hit them right back. I noticed the change in you when Vương started to grow. He hit you and you just took it. You became much softer. You used your voice and your emotions more than your physical. With your athletic build, you could hurt Vương, but you chose not to. At times, I hoped you smacked him so he could learn his lesson and not to hit you again, but at the same time, I didn’t want you to hurt your little brother. You did the right thing.
As a younger brother, you had taken a lot of shit from your older brothers. I always came to your defense, but I had finally straightened out with them after our trip to Seven Springs. I don’t want to see them picking on you anymore, physically or verbally. I no longer tolerate their behaviors toward their younger brothers. As older brothers, they should be your role model, but you should be their role model. They should treat you the way you treated Vương.
As a student, you are not as confident as an athlete. Not too many excels in both, but you will do fine academically. I will do everything to help you as long as you are willing to learn. Just like sports, you have to practice to improve. Seek out help from your teachers. Seek out help from your mother and me. We’re all here to help you, but you have to take the initiative and you have to be willing to learn. Don’t be embarrassed to ask if you don’t know. You can only learn when you ask questions.
Seeing how nice and friendly you are to others reminds me of my young self. You want people around you to like you. You don’t want to hurt their feelings or let them down. I spent so many years beating myself up trying to make people liked me. I ended up hating myself. I learned a hard lesson and I finally let go. If people don’t like me for who I am, I want nothing to do with them. Even my own family members, I will not waste my emotions on them if they treat me like shit. You are strong physically, but you also need to be strong emotionally. Don’t let anyone else get into your head.
Of course, you can always treat people nice and friendly if they have done the same for you. If they don’t, just put them out of your mind. If they treat you badly or don’t care about you, they are not your friends. Only focus on those truly care for you. Otherwise, they will take advantage of your weakness. I wished I had learned to protect my own emotions early in life; therefore, I would like for you to learn as quickly as you can to protect yourself.
For as long as I live, I will always be here for you and you can always count on me. You can come to me anytime, anywhere, and with any issue. You are my bright Xuânshine and I know you will turn out great. I love you so much much and happy 10th birthday!
Love,
Dad