Letter to My Sons #46

Dear Ðán,

You turn 13 today. Happy birthday. You are growing older and wiser. I hope you will make good choices. Out of my four boys, I worry about you the most. I must admit. I screwed up.

I screwed up my responsibility as a father. I am failing to prevent you from sinking into the digital ocean. Every single day, my heart drops seeing you glued to your chair playing video games.

For someone with so much potential, you dropped everything except spending time on your PC. I don’t want to see you this way and it is all my fault. I was too soft and too weak. I caved in.

I am hurt that you don’t want to spend time with me and told me to leave you alone. I am heartbroken that you said you don’t need me anymore, except when you need help with your English homework.

Of course I jumped at the opportunity to help you with anything. I am glad that you reached out to me when you needed me. I am so relieved that you are staying on top of your school work. I am proud of your grades. Your hard work paid off.

Education is important, but so are family, friends, and self-care. Sitting in front of your PC every chance you get is not healthy, mentally and physically. Not knowing when to walk away is an addiction. Not knowing your limitations is an addiction. Getting angry when being asked repeatedly to get off is an addiction.

It is so hard for me to write this letter. I want you to be happy. I want to stay out of your way, as you have wished, but I can’t turn the other way when I see you become less active and less interactive.

I am lost for words and for directions. I don’t know what to say and what to do. I hope that you will turn out OK. I hope that I am just worrying too much about you. Deep down, I love you from the bottom of my heart whether you know it or not. I am here when you need me.

No matter what goes on. No matter what happens. You will always be my son and I always want what is best for you.

Love,
Dad