Letter to My Sons #45

Dear Đạo,

Thank you for expressing your frustrations. I appreciate your honest criticism of my parenting approach. As a father, I know my children’s strengths and weaknesses; therefore, I treat each of you differently. No matter how many times I explained to you the difference between struggling and being irresponsible. Let me clear them up for the last time.

Your brother is struggling in school. His teachers raised concerns. Your mother and I could see that too; therefore, we are helping him to catch up. We asked him to help him, especially with Spanish, but every time you did, you sounded as if you were being forced to do it. I had to stop you because you weren’t being helpful. I had to take him to the library for someone else your age to help him. He’s struggling, but he is willing to get help and I can see that he has made tremendous improvements, especially in reading.

You are not struggling. You did well on your tests. Even if you didn’t, you had another chance to retake. What you aren’t doing are your projects and assignments. You received low grades not because you were struggling, you just were doing your work. Even though your mother and I constantly reminded you to do your assignments, you still let them slip by. I constantly offered to help, but you always said you already took care of your work. Then the progress reports showed missing assignments.

Since seventh grade, you have not shown that you can hold up your responsibilities as a student. Again, not because you are struggling. If I am wrong, however, please let me know. I will get you all the help you need just like your brothers.

I apologize for overlooking your 3D arts. I fall short on your creative outlet. I didn’t brush it off intentionally. I hope you will continue to do only what you enjoy. As you can see, I make mistakes too. I am not perfect. In fact, I am far from being a good father based on your assessment.

When I was a kid, my father was never around. When I became a father, my goal was to be around you for as much as I could. I worried too much and it clearly backfired. I cared about your well-being. I cared about your grades. I cared about your path in life, especially if you chose the wrong one. Whether you turn out good or bad, it will not impact me, but it will impact you.

After 15 years, I have said enough. If I continue to say what I need to say in 30 more years, it wouldn’t help if you don’t want to listen. From our conversation last night, I realized that I haven’t been helpful in reminding you to keep up your grades, to cut down your digital usage, and to be a role model for your younger brothers. No more bans for flunking school. No more restrictions for spending time on your digital devices. No more requests for helping out with your siblings.

If you need me, of course, I am always here for you.

Love,
Dad