The Drama Keeps Pursuing Me

The first time I met her, she looked down on me. I tried to make a conversation, but she ignored me. I wanted so badly for her to like me because I would have to deal with her. No matter how hard I tried, her disdain for me never went away. The more I got to know her; the more apparent that she hated my guts. Not only did I stop trying to win her over, I also welcomed her hatred. We no longer have to mask our disdains.

The second he started cussing at me, all hell broke loose. The first cuss word he used, I was shocked. The second cuss word came out of his mouth, I was ready to strike back. He gave me the license to use profanity and I hit him back as hard as I could. He pulled the bandage off the wound and rubbed salt all over it. We no longer had to pretend that we respected each other. While we don’t see eye to eye, the invisible rope still ties us together. We need to move forward, but we can no longer go back to the way it used to be.

The conflicts and confrontations were unfortunate, but I am glad we didn’t hold back. I no longer felt sad or bad for my words. Seeing their rage and hate made me glad that I went as far as I did. I was not the only one who went down the gutter. We all jumped into the pool of shit. Sometimes broken relationships need to be completely shattered to restart new ones. I am not sure where this will lead us or if we could put everything behind us, but at least we are not hiding in the shadows anymore. It is liberating to be completely opened. I always knew the thorns were there, I just needed to feel the pinch to know how deep it cuts.

I was listing to Ye’s “Can’t Tell Me Nothing” this morning and these lines spoke to me:

I feel the pressure, under more scrutiny
And what I do? Act more stupidly
My mama couldn’t get through to me
The drama [keeps pursuing] me